He runs into him, wanting to get him out. The target isn’t that difficult anyway. But who knows what might happen next. And then, what happens turns out to be more dangerous than Venkatesh Prasad’s ODI strike rate, or the sight of Marcus Stonis’ sidelocks.
The batsman on strike cannot focus. He just can’t. It appears that live cricket has been put on a hold.
The ball hasn’t yet been delivered. The emotions on the face of the batsman are more precarious than a woman’s in the labor room.
Courtney Walsh, on strike, someone one would reckon Brian Lara didn’t grow up watching, cannot stop laughing.
He just cannot.
It’s later revealed that he didn’t suddenly remember a distinct cricket record, that of having 43 ducks, the most by any cricketer in Tests.
Something about Colin Miller isn’t right and has got to Walsh.
Meanwhile, Michael Holding behind the mic confesses, “I’m lost for words.. what is that.”
And no, “Mikey” wasn’t referring to the E-mail reply from Universal Music that rejected his application to sing and host Jamaica’s Music Idol, given his truly melodious voice.
It’s simply Colin Miller’s hairdo.
Now, if you are a rational human being, then the color blue would, in all normal instances, remind you of any of the following:
Team India’s unchanged jersey colour
The color of skies above your head from whereupon bird droppings approach the earth like carpet bombing by the Allied forces.
What’s more? Blue movies?
The color of Aishwarya Rai’s costume during a song dedicated to a lemon. (honestly, that happened)
The rapacious color of underwear worn by Jackie Shroff in Bollywood epic Rangeela.
But under no normal circumstances does one relate blue with the color of one’s hair.
The only possible exception, of course, is Colin Miller. But then, he was one of a kind, wasn’t he, Miller?
A cricketer as devoted to the sublime art of off-spin as he was to ever-changing hairstyles, the saga behind Colin Miller pulling a fast one, whilst bowling slow on Courtney Walsh runs deeper than the depth of the Ganges, or as one former CIA officer told.
Apparently, it’s a big misconception that the world of Espionage is ever blazoned with guns and splattered with blood.
Deception. Ever heard of the phrase? That’s the key.
And standing true to his secret training, Colin Miller, who had mastered the art himself during the 2001 series, was executing an art he had covertly learned from his handlers at the CIA.
Little wonder then that the off-break specialist broke Walsh’s concentration, Courtney being ever the bunny and Miller ending with a fifer. But above anything else, took a 10-for in the game.
In doing so, he became the only Australian bowler with Blue hair to take 10 wickets in a match.
The record, since then, has stayed unmoved. Rumor has it that India’s Hardik Pandya, another creature who likes to change his hair appearance often, had desired to break Colin Miller’s feat, albeit unsuccessfully.
Australia, unfortunately, requires a cricketer to be an Australian national to resort to duplicitous moves to trick batsmen flaunting blue streaks.
Which is why even Pietersen, who once sported Red, not apparently, in a tribute to Zimbabwe, didn’t even try. For it would’ve been much harder for a South African, who had hitherto moved base to England, to once again shift to Australia to vie for the feat.
Unleashed on a mission to wreak havoc on the touring West Indians, Colin Miller, an “asset” intentionally placed inside the Aussie playing XI basis a covert understanding between Australian Secret Intelligence Service (ASIS) and the CIA was the credible confuser of Windies batsmen then Down Under.
Post his “hairy” heroics at Adelaide, Colin Miller, who, true to a spy’s ever-changing persona now sports “orange hair” on his EspnCricinfo picture, had resorted to other tactics to trick Windies batters on that tour.
For example, in the fourth Test, played at his home ground, in Melbourne, Colin Miller insisted the opposite team be shown Belushi Brothers’ Blue Brothers 2000, a Hollywood epic, prior to the start of the match. That it should happen secretly inside the green room with a bunch of Fosters in hand was, above anything, his condition.
Once done, West Indians’ hit by a steady concoction of one of the most terrible films ever known to mankind and a beer that made Lettuce soup taste better- hit the playing XI hard.
West Indian batsmen could only score a massive 109 in their first inning. The game was always Australias’, once they’d scored 352.
But throughout his career, Colin Miller, was known to resort to strange ideas that worked uncannily in his favor.
For example, before his last ever international contest, which happened in 2001, Chennai, wherein the bowler took 3 for 160, he insisted that he be allowed to gift his Mankini to the Indian Cricket team.
When asked by the BCCI official, Colin Miller, funny Victorian replied it was his way of answering back a state and region where every man wore skirts, which, it was later told to the Aussie, was the Lungie, not a feminine garment. Nevertheless, Ganguly, still has a piece of Colin Miller’s specially designed mankini, which has been promptly passed on to MS Dhoni, the CSK captain.
Legend has it that, the Mankini was designed to be worn by Colin Miller in an after-party of Day 1, Chennai Test, whereupon the sexually charged sight of the laughing Aussie would’ve caused the Indian batsmen mental trauma, so as not to hit the ground the next day.
Nevertheless, not all CIA operations went as per plans.
Disclaimer: Happy April’s Fool day people! This was a senile joke. No harm intended. Many apologies to the great Colin Miller. We really do love you.