Last night, as I was trying my best to sleep while constantly tossing through several positions, something came back to me. A thought. A thought of you and I being together in a relationship which can only be described as one of the best moments of my life. Yes, there were problems, or else we would still be sitting with our hands locked into each others, however, we’re not.
There were problems and somehow a ton of them, which why our conversations have ended and numbers are blocked, social media is deleted and somehow, there’s not even a speck of you in my current life.
When we both mutually decided to go our separate ways, we somehow forgot to lay down certain rules, or rather a whole lot of questions that were left unanswered and even unasked. I often wonder if just like me, you’re also thinking about us the same way? With the same love yet neglect, with the same respect yet hatred, with the same confusion yet potential answers in your head.
So, today, I just want to jot down these questions. These are not some hard-hitting, kick you in the gut kind but rather a set of simple ones that you might not even want to answer, but just for the peace of my mind, I need to write them down.
1. Why didn’t we talked after that day?
2. Did you ever cheat on me with that really close friend/crush/colleague of yours?
3. Do you still drink that black coffee without any molecule of sugar, when you need to get things done?
4. Do you regret calling it quits?
5. Do you still think about me?
6. Is there something that you would want to confess to me?
7. Which is your favourite TV show these days?
8. Was it really hard for you to be with me?
9. Did our relationship changed you, for better or for worse?
10. Do you still go to our favourite restaurant and order our favourites from the menu?
11. Have you ever taken a new date to our favourite restaurant?
12. Do you still remember the first place we went to, on a date?
13. How do you explain me to your current girlfriend?
14. Do you still have that stuffed panda toy of mine, at your place?
15. When we’re together, did you ever saw a future between us?
16. Have you ever thought about getting back together?
Even though I have written this extremely long list of questions that I would want to ask you, but I know, I’ll never be able to. Because answering these questions might be difficult but asking them is even more dreadful than what one can think of.
Jyotsna Amla