Anyone who told you, you were not as powerful as any other being on this planet can go get lost, like literally get the hell out.
You are unique, you are the ever-mighty.
Ever heard of that film?
Nonetheless, let’s have one thing clear. You aren’t special. You don’t have a Boris Johnson hairstyle. You cannot attain the stardom Caitlyn Jenner has and nor can you wear a Manikini like Borat to office.
Nor are you the owner of the most well-endowed booty that would give any Babaji anywhere on earth let alone Goa, a run for the money.
But just remember, even as a mere mortal, you have people, things, and forces of the universe around that can actually combat the most dreaded virus outbreak mankind has come to deal with, the last giant killer being the invention of TikTok videos.
So we all know what scares you, are things like-
You sneeze today and you feel scared. You do that on one occasion, too many and the others around you duck for cover.
Dry cough or the very sight of seeing one too properly equipped vis-a-vis you in these days where treading cautiously is but the need of the hour.
But worry not.
Enough of Coronavirus worrying you. It’s time to hit back.
But how? Isn’t one locked in?
Apparently, this intellectual Babaganush of a man who had celestial powers to describe how the world’s powers work is just the kind of counter-attacking power you can unleash on the Coronavirus. This, I am sure, after seeing this video, will transport your mind to a place where you will come to believe that Coronavirus does exist in a purely evil form.
Now, if you are alive, and let’s hope you are, let’s come to the NOVEL, not so COVID-19 ideas to kill this prick, hell of an insane creature:
1) Unleash the Alphabet K, India’s favorite alphabet on the virus
There was a time when the world on the small screen- the place where women wore ornaments bigger than the size of India’s coastline- had an appeal. There were serials. Lots of them. Not serial murders, unless people thought of committing suicides after watching them. But why not start the whole factor of K Serials in giant TV screens across India?
2) Invite Coronavirus to KBC
This would be a date set in hell, a match made not in heaven by any means, whatsoever. What’s more powerful than the power of love? But if someone like Raj Aryan appeared scared in front of Mr. Bachchan in Mohabbatein, then what might happen to the Coronavirus when it comes to meet the Big B?
Surely, the pot seat, sorry, the hot seat on the show would forever exist empty as Coronavirus won’t have the guts to challenge India’s greatest Don.
3) Arrange a video call between the Coronavirus and Mr. Rakhi Sawant!
No, we aren’t anyone to gender-change, we are attributing more respect to the man in this case: Deepak Kalal.
Make this zygote, a cousin of the organism family from pluto here upon earth, a distant relative of the last-known paramecium of the lunatic hospital of the erstwhile Kathiawad region talk to one of its own. This will be the world’s greatest takedown, a fight between 2 souls- one carrying a certain threat, one without any.
A fight that’ll lead to the demise of one big virus, the biggest contest since Mike Tyson’s not so romantic biting of Evander Hollyfield. Come on Deepak, you can do this virus. Rakhi isn’t that hot anymore.
4) Make Annu Malik wear the same bright green T-shirt he wore as a lucky charm to support Mumbai Indians every IPL and ask him to leave it on the India China border.
So what happens is that the COVID-19 comes around sneaking and gets to embrace the holy moly Versace Poison Ivy fragrance and it dies in one tiny moment.
Then what, threat over? Get Annu Ji back, this time minus the shirt for mankind’s sake but insist he puts on another one and make him sing India’s favorite Bhakt Song:
Waah, Modi Ji, Waah!
Disclaimer: this is a light-hearted “attempt” to make you smile. We all realize the importance of being safe, staying indoors and taking all the necessary steps of precaution to beat this seemingly insurmountable problem.
But together, and Mr.Ilyasi didn’t tell us, we are telling you, India will fight as will the rest of the world and beat the bloody Coronavirus.
God bless us all! Please stay safe!