Letting Go Of Toxic Relationships

Life would be a whole lot easier if certain people, like most harmful substances, came with a toxicity label. More like a high powered warning and secure packaging to prevent even accidental contact! Yes, in an ideal world we would have that, but in skewed and warped world we live in, instead of completely avoiding toxic relationships, we end up knee deep in emotional vampires more often than not. These people (whom we sometimes love) tend to drain us of our energies, our happiness, and still manage to play the victim whilst contributing absolutely nothing to our well being! Gentlemen, it’s time to cleanse your lives of such toxic relationships, and not feel guilty while doing so.

Before you can purge your life of these ghastly ghouls, you must first learn how to identify them and recognize their behavior. Toxic people tend to be control freaks. Not the caring about your seatbelt/ wear your sunscreen kind of people, the kind that will ensure you feel small and diminished. They will keep you in ‘your place’ and whenever you try to step out of it, they will squash you with accusations, complaints and plain out emotional blackmail until you step right back into that tiny box.

Most of them have been exposed to toxic behavior since their childhood and picked up on it. They are usually overpraised without being taught the key quality of empathy. They tend to choose people who are kind with soft, giving hearts because they are the ones who will try the longest to make the relationship work.

Now that you have identified the toxic relationships in your life it’s time to take the bull by the horns! So how do you move on?

1. Be honest with yourself

It’s time to face that monster. You’ve got to let it sink in just how horrible this person has made you feel. Let yourself cry, and just let it all out. Don’t blame yourself but understand that you are leaving for your wellbeing, so you can get back to truly loving and appreciating yourself.

2. Prepare to become super-human

You won’t eat, you won’t sleep, you’ll just go through this phase where you will be wallowing in grief. RIDE IT OUT.

3. End the relationship, and be clear about it

Stop ALL contact, IMMEDIATELY. Block them, delete them, do everything in your power to make sure this person cannot contact you. Just put the pedal to the metal and go go go!

4. DO NOT worry about their feelings

They never stopped to consider your feelings and what they were doing to your life, so why should you. Now is not the time and place to be thinking about if you’ve hurt them.

5. Don’t try to replace them

You’ll have a burning desire to fill that void they’ve left in your heart with someone else. DO NOT. You could attract another toxic individual in since you are feeling extremely vulnerable.

6. Accept that the time was wasted and the relationship wasn’t real

This one is simple. Let it sink in.

7. Use visualization techniques

Imagine all the time, money, good memories and beautiful things you’ve said to this person is being held by them, now RIP it out of their hands. Just imagine taking all of it back. This helps with the reconstruction of your own self.

8. Lean on people around you

Don’t be afraid to borrow the support of people around you; the ones that truly care. Normally they will be very glad and supportive that you’ve decided to take this step in your life.

9. MOVE ON.

Life goes on. Turn this experience into a life lesson.

Get back on that saddle and giddy up, because life is one hell of a ride!

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5 Sep 2016
Zainab Wani