US’ Defence Intelligence Agency Papers Claim Aliens Impregnated A Woman! What’s Next- A Spinster Cow Set To Be The Next Russian President?

In an age where people are still struggling to spell Ouagadougou (despite taking the help of spell checker), where some pseudos are still deriving pleasure by addressing themselves as “Grammar Nazis,” where a mammal by the name of Yo Yo Honey Singh actually exists in India, and where both- unemployment and lip jobs are flourishing, could anything be more bizarre than what US’ Defence Intel Agency and the Pentagon said?

Just when you thought nothing could be more hideous than somebody eating up your phone’s battery in playing Candy Crush saga right before you had to use it for a Skype call with the HR, in comes news from the Pentagon that aliens had sex- and on multiple occasions- with a human in the past!

As per the Freedom of the Information Request, the DIA’s report, one worth 1,500 pages, which is lengthier than the Holy Bible, aliens are said to have had sexual encounters with humans for as many as five times in the past.

But what’s shocking, provided your senses are working and not dead (yet) imagining how might aliens procreating with a woman look like, is that the American agency took time to publish a 1,500 page long report on the topic.

Just what would it all entail?

Bizarre that someone even published a report on a topic that appears a bigger lie than someone saying that Jean Claude Van Damme’s next movie is a box office hit or that Danny De Vito once chokeslammed the Undertaker.

It’s easier to believe things like President Biden won’t forget what he’s to say during his next public speech but not this whacky alien report that’s currently trending.

How aliens – supposedly- landed on earth and found a way to make love to a woman is something that sounds more atrocious than Macaulay Culkin’s career or Boris Johnson’s hairstyle- or the lack of one.

What are we doing to ourselves; what is the Pentagon even doing to the public? Is this what the Defence Intel Agency supposed to do?

What we are going to read next about the alien report? That they apparently landed on Area 51 presuming it would be the sight of an Ed Sheeran concert? And why did they stay so long on earth; were they imagining Tinder to appoint them as the app’s brand ambassadors?

Pentagon, and this is a fact, apparently ran a secret program between 2007 and 2012 to study aliens. Why then, since they were being spied upon, the aliens not stopped from procreating?

Did they offer the Pentagon officials a life time free membership of P*rnhub?

It’s something no brainy wizard can get; not your slimy neighbourhood aunt, who keeps a tab on which chick slept with which rich dude and definitely not Israel’s Mossad!

The Pentagon report on aliens further underlines cases of ‘human abduction.’

This actually sounds true.

Maybe the outer worldly ran into Kim Jong-un and felt threatened? Or maybe, they found Owen Wilson’s nose a bit too intimidating.

Yet, what must be questioned, is the fact that time and again, do we find nonsensical pieces of journalism pertaining to the aliens printed on newspapers and made viral over the Internet.

Such a development is random and totally unnecessary such as the idea of killing James Bond in No Time To Die!

Low-IQ news coverages with aliens in them are more infectious than Netflix, unintelligent quite like the idea of infuriating someone like Putin and certainly a lie such as the fact that the author of this article isn’t named Hippopotamus Lunatic upon birth, a male with a fetish of supporting gym attire during professional corporate meetings.

The way things are going in mainstream media, that day is not far where we’ll be told that medics and researchers have labelled human poop as the next ‘superfood.’

But then again, would you consume such a thing?