After Winning Impactful Indian Of the Year, Baba Ramdev Rushes to Mallya To Teach Him Yoga

Revered advertising forum exchange4media group elected Baba Ramdev as the most Impactful Person of the year 2017 in a moment of great joy for the great Yogi. One wonders if the astronomical commercial success of Baba Ramdev’s brand Patanjali Ayurved is the sole reason behind such immense eminence being bestowed to man who clearly doesn’t seem to have used a shampoo in decades, even as his multi-million dollar firm produces one.

From performing Yoga in a nearly semi-naked state to communicating with the effervescence and enthusiasm of a 5th grader craving for a lunchtime snack, Baba Ramdev is clearly in a league of his own.

With long unkempt hair, he knows not what the myriad benefits of using a shampoo are. Shaving creams are not for him and thankfully, Ayurvedic shaving creams produced by Patanjali aren’t yet out in market store shelves. Even as followers with distinct facial hair: those keeping subtle goaty, abhorrent overgrown beard and those clean shaven like Salman Khan when he was born queue in endless circles to catch a glimpse of the Yoga teacher, the orange-clad loin cloth wearer maintains great dignity and humility about his success.

But what strikes the mind is the exact precise reason for their being no dearth in Baba Ramdev’s popularity.

Is it his ever growing beard whose thickness has drawn comparisons with the thick envelope of a smog covering Delhi and or bright twinkle in his eyes, with which he yells to spectators, “Daaya haath upar”, Baba Ramdev is a clear favourite this year among a list of eternal achievers such as Ranvir Singh, Mr. Bachchan and, Kapil Sharma.

Now clearly seeming a man on a mission, Baba Ramdev, the sole reason why Virat Kohli has started controlling vile abuses on cricket field shares with great passion, he wants to reform Vijay Mallya in London.

When asked why he thought Yoga would do a great deal of emotional, spiritual cleansing for the escaped money launderer and famed bigot, Ramdev, adjusting his loosely tied dhoti revealed, “ Mr. Mallya has been putting on oodles of weight. It’s not good for his career. Given his remarkable success at performing hundreds of tax evasions, and looting the very country that made him, I want him to re-strategise his focus”.

Asked which Asana has he specifically thought for the now London-based infamous money maker, Baba Ramdev replied, “there’s this Airline Asana that I have specifically devised for Mr. Mallya wherein, he will be standing at the balcony of his mega duplex at London’s Notting Hill and facing the railing of the balcony he would bring both hands together, raise them with raised toes in an elevated posture before kneeling down toward his knees”.

The reporters, evidently moved by Baba’s suggestion prompted him for one final question to which he had no response, “ don’t you think the posture of kneeling down resembles a bit like the whirlwind fall of Kingfisher?” There were of course no replies as Baba admitted he is rushing to Rahul Gandhi’s residence to teach him a newfound “Pappu Asana”, which is inspired from the cartoon Chota Bheem.

Disclaimer: Please note, this is a light-hearted, harmless piece of satire and in no way aims to disrespect the great practitioner and master of Yoga